Need advice. Any help appreciated

Hey guys, throwaway account for obvious reasons. This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, and any help would give me a lot of hope. So i left Islam a while ago, and lately realized how much this affects my life and will affect my future. I don’t want to keep living a double life my whole life and hide this from my family, but all the odds are against me. If I ever tell my parents, their lives would literally be ruined. They would spend the rest of their lives ruminating and thinking about me. The stress would eat them alive and do something serious to them. There’s no way I can live with that. Now you may be saying that it’s better if I’m financially independent to move out by myself, but my family is middle eastern, you live with them till you’re married. Our family would literally move across the country just so we can be together. My parents want me to go to a college/university near them, so thats not a chance either. How about if when I’m married you might say? My parents would want me to get married to a nice muslim woman, something I don’t want. This religion seriously controls every single aspect of my life, no joke. What should I do? Its a double edged sword. If I tell my parents, I would finally be free, but their lives would literally be ruined. If I dont, Im going to have to live a double life for the rest of my life, living a life I would hate. Any help is appreciated. Thank you