Tuesday, 30 June 2020

The complete journey of the red pill up to now.


I was blue pilled until I got to college. Was your typical college student in a fraternity. Met this girl at a party and fell in love with her. I took her to state fair and a bunch of fun trips. I made mistakes of pushing too hard and then she dumped me. I was heart broken but I told myself I would get over it. She asked to still come to the frat party on Friday. I said that was fine. She was all over one of my frat brothers that night right in front of me and when they left and the party was over I saw their bitmojis on snap maps. This sent me into a massive depression. I blacklisted her from future parties and then I told her she was blacklisted over text. This made me feel a slight relief. Through this time I was talking to one of my roommates. He was 2 years older than me and he was red pilled. He sorta led me in that direction and even showed me a red pilled book: “the rational male”. A week goes by and my roommate asks me if he can have my ex over to buy weed. There is a rule in brocode that you don’t sleep with your roommates ex unless they are over it. I said sure because I trusted him but they had sex.The next day I hear someone walk in the door. I look to see who it is and it’s the ex. She walks by me and goes straight to my roommates room. I had an intense rush of emotion and I froze in place. I think if my other roommates didn’t take me into a room I was gonna pass out.They took me over to a mutual friends house and I tried to calm down.Next day I go to the roommates room that is causing me problems and asked him to not have her over. He refused that. I said can you at least tell me when she is over so I can be away. He informs me she is going to be here in 20 minutes.In a panic I throw as much stuff from my room as I can into my car and start driving down the road. Every female driver sorta looked like her unless I looked closely.I park my car and start calling my friends and I called my dad to talk. I ended up calling about 7 people and I am told that I can stay at one of my friends apartment for a couple of days. I went to go meet her in the school library so that way I can be with someone.Walking into the library was the scariest thing because every girl with blonde hair and glasses looked like her until they turned around. I started to feel the same panic again but I was able to make it up to my friend. I sit for a hour or so and get a reply from a friend that I can come to his place now. He let me move my stuff in and said I could stay as long as I want. I stayed there until the end of the semester.I started working on my studies. I was able to improve my GPA and I taught myself an entire class in a week and started teaching people the class. I was on top of my game. I still hurt but I was so focused on school that I just pushed my painSemester ended and we went over winter break. This is when I bought “the rational male” and began my red pill journey.Thankfully my roommate that was causing trouble graduated and I could move back into my place.I read this book with the help of winter break free time. I decided I was going to start living my life in the identity that the book teaches. I went to a party and I had a really fun time with a girl on the dance floor and in the common room. I invited her back to my room and we have sex on the first night. I let her stay the night and we talked a little in the morning before I drove her home. I liked her so I started a FWB with her. I was hardened to the idea of “dating” because I could not trust. I tried to communicate my desire to keep it FWB and it drove the girl into a love for me. She was trying to move really fast but I could not keep up. It started getting more into the relationship side because we spent so much time together. She begged me to be my girlfriend and I felt pressured to say yes. I give into it. We date for a week and then covid comes and ruins the rest of 2020. I quickly realize that I am not going to see this girl for a long time and I communicated with her that I am not sure if I can handle long distance. We try long distance anyway and it was bad. I wasn’t motivated enough to call her as much as she wanted me to.Keep in mind this entire time of this girl being part of my life, I was still in deep pain from my heartbreak.I wanted to be single again. I could not go any longer in this relationship because I was not ready for the idea of a relationship and I had not fallen in love with her yet.Since we were unable to meet face to face from LDR I did the second best thing and FaceTimed her to break the news. When I started to introduce the idea she sensed the conversation shift. She asked “are you breaking up with me” and I said yes. She told me she could feel it coming and then asked if I wanted to stay friends.In the red pill ideology staying friends after a breakup is considered beta because you give a girl friendship without receiving sex in return. This is also called being a fuckboy or thinking with your dick.On top of this part of me wanted to have time apart to move on. I wish she asked me a more open ended question so it didn’t have to be a 1 word answer.I told her no and she immediately hung up.Over the next few months I tried to have sex with many girls. I spent hours reading red pill literature and immersing myself into the techniques that are used to build attraction. I became the master of the one night stand. I became interested in a new girl and we had sex on second time I saw her. I started a routine of getting my work done and then going to her place, hanging out with her friends, and then sleeping with her after.I wanted to try the red pill concept of “spinning plates” which means that if you hook up with multiple women you have control over the situation. It can spark jealousy in women and it is supposed to protect you from a breakup because you would always have another plate to spin.I had a someone in the friend group flirting with me. The girl I had been seeing was being distant with me. I gave it a day or 2 of weird behavior and then started hooking up with the girl that was flirting with me. I am still ghosted to this day even though she claims there is nothing wrong. I stayed really shallow with this new girl. She was shy so it kinda worked. There was a weird disconnect where i was an ex of her friend and I was unsure if the entire social dynamic. I was not invited to hang out with them anymore. I became a distant part of the group.The girl quickly slowed down on the flirtatious energy and after about 2 weeks I was left with no plates spinning. This made me start to go crazy. I was getting ghosted by everyone in that entire group and I had no sexual partner.I became depressed over it and i start to feel the pain from the first girl again. I’m very depressed and I struggled to find more plates because of the shutdown. I decided that I wanted to stop hurting over the first girl so what I did is I unblocked her and told her that I don’t hate her anymore. I said I don’t forgive but I don’t hate. She wanted to be friends. I told her I had enough of those. It was going good. Then I get overwhelmed with sexual energy and I push the conversation into asking to have casual sex with her.In an ironic twist, the slut turned her blue pilled boyfriend into a red pilled fuckboy said that she was no longer a slut and that she wanted a guy that was seeking a relationship.I told her no way to that.This interaction made me feel relief over the pain of the relationship. I felt like I could move on from red pill at this point.A week or so goes by and I decide I want to reach out to the girl who I broke her heart and tell her i was fine with being friends and I was sorry. She told me she has a boyfriend now. I was fine with that. I explained that I was in a low point at the time and about how I feel better now that I’m over the EX and she was happy that I had changed and I will be friends. She told me she has some friends that I might like if I was looking to date. I may take her up on that offer once school starts.And now we are here on exredpill subreddit sharing my story.Conclusion: I think that betrayal of trust and bad relationships is the driving reason for me to become part of red pill ideology to begin with. I broke a couple of hearts and I slept around a friend group. The only way I was able to escape was to address the problem and that was the anger still held for the problem girl. I am not sure what the future will hold but I am thinking I will be open to dating again.

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