I literally can't write to much but I feel so broken by my relationship with my mum. She died from alcoholic liver disease 3. 5 years ago. I want to say I loved her. I don't know if that's true. She was so violent and turned into a creature I was nc for 5 years so with a few exceptions I didn't really have to deal with her for 8 years now. I know I sound like I'm taking a victim stance but I feel like when I was a legitimate victim of abuse no one validated it or cared. Long story short the physical and emotional abuse was extreme and sexual abuse was not uncommon. Had periods In and out of care because of child protection stuff. I recently made contact with an old social worker who said it had been my word against hers, they and the other social worker had alcohol issues themselves and I was objectively let down. I'm angry I have mh issues and I just watched a programme about childhood mh problems and to my horror found myself getting angry at kids with nice families superficially self harming. I feel like the worst person on the planet right now.
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