feel soooo shit on and off and I’m fed up of it. Constantly questioning myself and I fucking hate myself too. Sorry just a mess but I know in the next hour I’ll feel great for a bit ( but won’t be able to enjoy it because I know that feeling good is always short-lived and followed by feeling worse than I did before- repeat repeat repeat). I’m reading this back to myself now and thinking that I sound pathetic and crazy and I am. All I want is to just not be in my own head, my brain is the fucking worst and the thought of never experiencing life as anyone but myself just kills me. I’ve got no friends, no passion but ai do have a lovely family and boyfriend, I’ve got a full time job but I am SO miserable and I hate myself for it. Why isn’t anything enough to make me feel consistently ok? My panic attacks are getting more frequent and intense- yet I clam up in therapy and have yet to find any useful coping mechanism that isn’t just deep breaths positive thoughts mood diaries and bullshit. Sick to death of it all and I’m ridiculously jealous of anyone who has a normal brain and never has to worry about the state of their mental health and thinking about any slight thing that could throw you off course. I hate it and I’m so done with it now, please I need this to stop I’m suffering and I don’t ever see it changing. I’m not strong enough
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