It’s long, but please read and give me your opinion. I need it.Let me just offer some back story about my life. First half of childhood, my mom was always either busy with work, deployed, or in a bad mood and didn’t want to spend time with me. My dad was always at work. The second half, she was more present but not “motherly” or “caring” at all. My dad was still always at work. I have done everything in hopes of satisfying my parents. From elementary school, to middle school, to high school, it’s always been about teaching their standards of straight A’s. I was pulling all nighters in high school to keep up with AP classes that I was forced to take.On top of trying to get perfect grades, I also was the victim of a child predator, who had a “relationship” with me for almost 1.5 years, starting when I was 15. I had a really tough time with mental illness that started when I was 12. In addition, I dealt with abuse from my parents. I was often punished for having suicidal thoughts or expressing my depression. I remember being beat in 5th grade because I had called my mom while she was at work in the mornin and was too anxious to go to school. She threatened me over the phone until I went, and then beat me after school anyway. At one point, when I was 14, my parents handed me a gun and told me to just kill my self already if I wanted to so badly. I had nobody. And I never got the therapy I needed. My mom has always focused on keeping my medical file clean, so I can get any job I want as an adult. She’s gone as far as telling me what to say to my therapists. So, I have deep seeded issues with my parents. The stereotypical “I just want their approval and I never get it no matter what”.I admit, I was like any teen. I lied sometimes. Got caught with a boy once (only making out). Made mistakes. Nothing major.Nevertheless my grades barely fell. I finished high school with a 3.7 overall (still not good enough for my mom). I got into a good college. I’m 18. I’m finishing my first year here, and then taking summer classes. After the summer classes, I will be a junior. I spent this year in hell. I know nobody here, despite dorming with a roommate. It’s hard to make friends. My ptsd and anxiety are always bothering me. I mostly go to class, then come back to my room and cry alone. I’ve had suicidal thoughts many times. I tried to get therapy and my mom made me jump through hoops just for our insurance info, then coached me through what to say. I ended up cancelling my appointment because I was scared to go (idk why, guess I wasn’t ready), and even if I did idk if I’d be able to go against what my mom said. It’s like it’s engrained in me to just listen to my parents no matter what. I’m constantly poor because my mom takes the money I get every month to pay part of my room&board, despite her and my dad making a GOOD amount of money ($250,000+) and being able to cover it. Because of this, I dont have the savings I could’ve had, I don’t have a savings at all. I often went without food. I can’t get a job, or else I lose the benefit that covers my tuition. My grades are slipping despite me giving all the energy I have left to them (gpa is 3.3). My grades are not reflecting my potential.So I decided I need a break. Something isn’t working here. So I want to do a year off (it’s too late to transfer, the school I want to switch to doesn’t take transfers in the spring, and there’s no point in attending a community college). And then return to school. I even said I’d work the entire year off, but that I would be spending it with my boyfriend (really the only person who helps me through my issues), who is currently in another state. I planned to go to therapy the whole time as well and focus on getting myself happy and healthy. (Btw there’s a very low chance of a surprise pregnancy happening during this time because my birth control—which I was forced to get after it was revealed I had been preyed on my someone old enough to be my dad— is a 99% effective IUD. I’m not worried about my plan being thrown off.)My parents are saying no. They say either stay in school or I’m “on my own” because I’m showing them that they have “no say in my life.” They want me to finish my degree, no breaks. I have a benefit that 100% covers my tuition (my parents don’t pay a cent), and my mom is saying she won’t sign the form for it if I decide to take a year off and try to come back. They will kick me out (and I imagine somehow block me from using benefits such as healthcare and such).It doesn’t make sense to me because my sister dropped out of college after a semester with a 2.7 gpa and no plan at all. She has always gotten it easier than me. Always favored. She sat in the house and did nothing for a while. And eventually enrolled in the community college. And will be getting her associate’s next year. I could go take a class or two and get my associates in a couple of months. And I have a full plan on how and when I will return to school. Ever since my dad put a gun in my hand as a 14 year old, I have tried to never ask my parents for anything at all. I reached a point where I realized there was no point in expecting them to help me the way I need, and that I have to handle myself on my own. And the one time I ask for their support on something, the one thing I need from them just once, and they don’t want to help me. They don’t even have to pay for anything or do anything. My mom knows the only thing I need from them is her signature upon my return, and she’s gonna withhold that.Am I making a bad decision? Is this okay? Are all parents like this? I have every intention of getting my degree, but I just need time to focus on my health and stop burning myself out. I know that they just want me to do better than they did and get a good job, but why punish me for needing time to stabilize myself? Why create obstacles to stop be from being able to attend school when I’m ready to go back?
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