I am "trapped" in my parents' hoarding home and the wheels are starting to fall off. I am too old for this shit. But I keep freezing up, rejecting opportunities, rejecting relationships. And raging. And freezing up. I need help. Please.

Warning, there might be triggers inside.I hate my life and so I am choosing to make it uncomfortable. I have used many distractions to avoid my troubling problems: video games, porn, food, school work. Yes, even school work was a huge addiction, an escapism (maybe I will date, maybe I will get a career, maybe I will have a non-abusive home). In fact, having a career and watching porn gave me the same hope-filled arousal built on an imaginary concept of escapism.I am 25 fucking years old. I was "forced" to go to college until I literally had a mental breakdown and started to fight everyone within a 5-foot radius. I tried to kill myself. I tried to end the suffering. I was addicted to grades because it felt like the better grade I got, the more the professor valued/cared for me. I was coping with my own vulnerability and lack of emotional awareness. I used their praise for my own misguided sense of self-worth and lack of a loving family structure.My home is hell. It is a hoarding bullshit filled with enabling and the worse kind of consumptionism. My parents have no friends. I have no friends. Naturally the only friends I really had growing up was my dad and my sister.I had a choice at a young age between school and my home. I normally picked my previous house: it had so many interactions. Lots of natural things to explore. And so I skipped school most of the time.My new home was infested, gutted, and left with piles of "stuff" that has just accumulated over the years. My mother has a spending problem. My mother has a communication problem. My mother is a bitch. And so school became my new narcissistic hell.The worse pain happened when I started to repeat the routines. There was a reason why groundhog day or Edge of Tomorrow are appealing to me: the level of control over one's situation grows with more situational and introspective awareness the more they repeat it.And so over the past years I have started to see all these routines starting and stopping. The enabling, the coping, the promise of hope.As soon as I see it starting, I start to melt the fuck down. I have been crying, screaming, and raging. Closing my eyes and ears and just screaming "SHUT THE FUCK UP."I am not normally violent. In fact, I went away on a trip for three whole weeks a few months ago. This was the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I WAS AWAY FROM THE HOUSE AND MY PARENTS AND SCHOOL. I forgot all about the house, the emotions, the feeling of being entrapped, everything disappeared. Until I got back...When I was away I could think, I could read, I could process things 10 times quicker. My teachers said I had a learning disability, my parents wanted a fix, and I just felt trapped.I have been labeled "aspergers" by doctors but I think it is bullshit. My true label is CPTSD but that was skipped because during the performance evaluation, a significant amount of the information was told (like an interview) on MY MOTHER'S PERSPECTIVE.I froze up instead of hammering that point across everyone's head and slamming the results as biased. I froze up. It was one of the worst mistakes of my life.I do not know what to do again. I am freezing up. Again. Please help me not make a second mistake. Please. What can I do?